Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Land of the Rising Sun

This maybe has become a reality.  When a midlevel in my group gave his notice earlier this week, I thought my group might make a move to keep me here.  Didn't happen.  So now I'm sitting here overwhelmed and, well, scared at the thought of moving to Tokyo for a year.

"You can do anything for a year."

"It's an adventure."

"You'll get great experience."

It's what everyone is saying and what I'm trying to remind myself of the million times a day that I start losing my cool.  To try to make the process more manageable, I made a to do list a few weeks ago and started chipping away at it.  Dentist appointment, check.  Well-woman visit, check.  Eye doctor visit, check.  Credit card with no international transaction fees, check.  But there are so many other big items to tackle.

It would help if the firm would give me a start date.  That would make it easier to plan to terminate my lease or sell my car.  But some things won't get easier.  Every time I look at C&B, my eight and nine year old dogs, I feel heartbroken about leaving them with my family for a year and wonder if they'll still be here when I get back.  I wonder the same about my grandparents.  I feel a sense of hopelessness about my own personal life and whether I'll ever start my own family.  Why can't I get Ben to talk about this?  Why isn't he ready to get engaged so that I can turn this relocation down?  I feel frustrated that this is what it takes to get enough work to develop as a junior member of my practice group at the firm.

I've been there before.  I know that there are nice people in the office.  I know that there's good work.  I know the office building can withstand an exceptional earthquake.  I made it through a month there in 2011.  But I'm worried about keeping up that pace for an entire year.  What will it do to my health?  What will it do to my relationships?

4 comments:

Virgin In The Volcano said...

Dude, this is tough. Totally understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed. Maybe it's time though to look for a different firm?

Metal said...

I'd have pounced at such an opportunity in a heartbeat! I'm sure it'll not only be a great professional move but you'll also grow in other dimensions..and isn't the freedom to explore other places one of the biggest joys of being single!

Paragon2Pieces said...

@virgin I do think it's time, but I'm not sure there's enough time to make a switch before I get shipped off.

@metal i don't think i'm as adventurous as you!

Brittany TYD said...

I would totally have the urge to make a shift right now, but maybe you will come back with that fantastic experience, impress the socks off of another firm, and escape the chaos. I'll be praying for you.

I totally get the feeling of wondering if you'll ever get to start YOUR life. I'm there girlfriend, totally there. I hope this is all for the best and you won't have one ounce of doubt.